Anonymous asked: hello! i'm a big big fan of your blog. me & my man have decided to try more intense sessions lately, and this blog has helped me understand his desires & needs as a male submissive. but i can't help worrying that i'm going to go too far or that i'm going to injure him, even though he reassures me that i won't. i am grateful that he trusts me so completely, of course - and yet, i still stress about it! i was wondering if you had any advice? sorry if this is invasive, ignore if you want
I’m glad you like the blog! It’s really encouraging to hear it helped you out too! :3
When Ma’am and I first started to playing together I hadn’t actually done that much pain play at all! Just some really light stuff with floggers, more kind of sensation kinda stuff. So I think we could both relate to how you feel! I’ve gotten to be into pain in quite a big way. :O
I think the most useful thing for us getting used to pain and hurty things has been to keep everything really really simple in terms of communication. When we’re playing we just tend to speak plainly if one of us needs something. So if we’re doing something like caning and I need to slow down and take a break I can just say so, or ask to stop completely if I need to! The same goes for bondage and restraints! Like if they’re getting uncomfortable or chafey.
The handy thing about this kind of dynamic is that Ma’am can trust me to let her know if it’s getting hard, so she can push as much as she’s comfortable with.
All this is kind of sub-centred because they’re the person potentially getting hit and stuff, but remember the communication is important for the Dom partner too! It can be really handy for the sub to lend some encouragement and say if they’re enjoying or would like more of something so you can be confident you’re doing the right thing. Ma’am will ask questions sometimes and ask how things feel, which is encouraging for her and helps her decide what kind of direction to go in as well.
All in all I just try my best to communicate clearly and keep things as relaxed as possible and pressure free. :3
This is just some of the stuff we tend to do while playing. Everyone’s different though! So something else may work even better for you guys!
Hope this helps!